Aram Zucker-Scharff

Not sure what else I can add, as I think locksandglasses summed it up perfectly. No, saying “hello” isn’t automatically harassment, but in my experience, men aren’t randomly saying hello to other men on the street. It’s behavior that’s specifically geared towards women, and more often than not it’s used as a way to strike up a conversation in hopes of it turning into something more. 

Here’s the thing. When a guy says hello to me on the street and I say hello back, they almost always take it as an invitation to follow me and try to continue a conversation or get my number. If I don’t respond, I’m an “ugly nappy headed bitch”. This has happened to me with guys of all ages and all backgrounds. Even the old guy who looks like somebody’s grandfather has called me a “rude bitch” because I felt uncomfortable when he said hello to me late at night as I was walking home from the train. So it’s damed if you do, damned if you don’t. 

But as mentioned in the previous reblog, when your entire day is filled with guys trying to talk to you, it’s hard not to perceive every interaction as threatening or uncomfortable. A woman in NY recently had her throat slashed by a guy because she didn’t want to talk to him. Over the summer another woman was beaten to death because she wouldn’t give a guy her number. Now on the surface, asking for someone’s number doesn’t sound like harassment right? Ignoring someone shouldn’t provoke anyone to violence right? But for these guys, our mere existence is meant to validate them. So saying no or saying nothing at all is somehow a threat. But what was even more terrifying were the scores of men on social media insisting the victim should’ve just given the guy her number, or that women don’t know what it’s like to be ignored. Most men don’t realize what it’s like to be afraid to walk a few blocks to your own home because you have to walk past a group of guys and you don’t know if you should speak or ignore them. 

I’ve been threatened numerous times (once had to call the police) and even had a guy try to run my car off the road because I wasn’t receptive to “hey girl” and “you look nice today”. Once a guy told me to smile and when I ignored him he said, “careful bitch or I’ll make it so you can’t smile”.  And I have no doubt those men thought they were being “respectful” because they didn’t hiss or make lewd comments about my body. I don’t want to push for a world where we can’t say hello or give compliments to strangers, but I think people need to respect the fact that this kind of harassment is a constant issue and as a result, many of us aren’t trying to be rude, we’re just trying to protect ourselves and get through the day alive. 

“”The problem here isn’t just that men are ignorant of how women are treated. The problem is that many know exactly what they’re doing to women, and will try to intimidate and silence women who try to fight back.””

– The woman who made a video about catcalling is already getting rape threats.

“

I rarely meet a woman in tech who does not have a similar story to share, be it of the venture capitalist who hit on her, the co-worker who makes too many sexual jokes or the boss who doesn’t invite the women on the team to big meetings.

Sometimes the sexism is overt, but more often it seems unintentional — the byproduct of an industry where subtle sexism is so entrenched in the culture that it is unrecognized as sexism in the first place.

”

– Tech companies haven’t gotten past sexism 1.0.

“If GamerGate is about ethics among journalists, why is the female developer receiving 14 times as many outraged tweets as the male journalist?”

– Is GamerGate about media ethics or harassing women? Harassment, the data shows.